Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
