I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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