I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
