Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
