Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
