my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
