just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
