Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
