i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
vagina is talking i cant
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
