i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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