I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
