I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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