it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
