i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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