You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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