yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize