kristin has been a bad kristin
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
