Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
