pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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