My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
