trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
