How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
