Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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