I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
