I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
