Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
