FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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