it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
