they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she peed on how many people?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
