I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
