Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
