Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
