we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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