I must be too annoying 4 u.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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