I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
