you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
