Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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