there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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