just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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