tequila makes me forget i have legs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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