Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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