Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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