Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
wanna go halves on a baby?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
