I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
