awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
