I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
