I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
