I want to have your abortion
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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