Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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