I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
