M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
