My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
