i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
