He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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