haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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