New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
