I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
