marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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