real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
