OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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