So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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