Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my being single is dangerous.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
