Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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