break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
