I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
