I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize