she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
