she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have fence marks all over my body
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
