Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just pynch a tree in the face
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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