he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
