fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
