Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize