theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
