i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
