Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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