Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
