So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
