Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
