Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
