he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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