So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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