is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
