my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
