This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
